DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
