You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
