I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I skipped work to stalk him.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Be still, my beating vagina.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
