I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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