Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
