Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this just has baby written all over it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
