so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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