i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
