I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
should my penis look like a turkey
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
