Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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