I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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