My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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