I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize