Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
