just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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