white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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