If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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