Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
