my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Alive.
So much puke
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
