I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drunk is not a location!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
