Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
