Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
