Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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