dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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