Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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