Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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