Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
