He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
