she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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