Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
