If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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