I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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