I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
