Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
