Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
