We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
