She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
