I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
