You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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