I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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