i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
