the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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