My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
