There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
