I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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