I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
