I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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