I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
