I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
