I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
