you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
