I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
