1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
