Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
