Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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