theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
