No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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