I'm lost and stupid without you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
