you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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