Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
