it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
