I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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