Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
