so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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