dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
