I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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