There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
