Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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