My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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