I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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