Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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