I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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