Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
