I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The feeling are messing with the penis
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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