Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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