I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
