The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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