Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
